Fast forward 2-1/2 years...my feelings of Jesus carrying the girls have not changed. I have said it before, I know that the girls are in Heaven and I will never, ever doubt that. But now, I DO believe that God did this. Let me explain....
Our time here on earth is planned. It has been planned before we even existed. If we are quiet and still and LISTEN, we will know without a doubt, what God wants from us while we are here. Our time on earth was never promised to be permanent. He knows how we will spend each and every day!! There is nothing we can hide from Him, because he already knows.
God gave us the power of free will. And, like most people, I fight it on a daily basis. I get angry, I deny it and I fight with fists balled on what has already been planned for me. If my day doesn't go as I had planned, I get upset. I have had moments where I have asked God why, and have thought that for some reason, something I have done wrong in my life, from birth to now, that I deserved this. And then there are days when I am thoughtful, grateful and accepting. Each day is never the same and HE KNOWS THIS. There are times we question why people were taken away so soon, why suffering happens, sadness, poverty, death, anger, war and so on. Why I went from a little family of 5 to a family if 3 in one day.
Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I know that God planned for me to be a mom of 4 and I believe that He saved my daughters from something far worse. From something that I am not sure they, or I, would have been able to handle. He also knew how I would handle life after losing them and he gives me grace. He weeps with me and holds me on those days where I cry like a baby. He knows exactly how I feel, because He lost his son too.
I will never know while I am here on earth, the reason why my girls are gone. But I WILL have answers in Heaven, I will see them again and only then will it all make sense. Until then, I will believe that there is and was a reason.