Having Daniella and Gabi's Celebration of Life service was one of the most hardest things I have ever had to go through. I have heard there were over 900 people there, I have heard there were over 1200. I don't know for sure. I heard it was standing room only, but I don't remember faces. I do know that there were people there that loved my daughters and for that I am thankful.
I am thankful to my sisters and best friend, who had to almost literally drag me out of the house and make me go when all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball. I remember being sick to my stomach the whole time. I remember thinking that if I went, it would mean that this whole nightmare was real, that they were really, really gone, and I didn't want it to be real.
I remember going to the church and our pastor taking us to a room and talking with me. My friend who was standing in the hall and telling me that they will hold me up. I remember the slide show that was shown of my babies and thinking that JUST LAST WEEK they were here. I remember my pastor's wife singing, our youth pastor telling stories, our associate pastor praying. I remember my pastor not looking out into the crowd and talking to them, but standing in front of me, sitting in front of me and talking to ME, as if it were just us in the room. I can't explain it, but that gave me comfort. Thank you all for that.
Thank you to my friends who got things ready for us, the ones who set up the table with the girls' pictures on it. I never saw it, but I was told it was beautiful. Thank you for the friend that arranged the balloons and the friends that handed them out so that we could write messages on them and send them up to the girls. That was beautiful and I know Daniella and Gabi would have loved them.
Thank you to all the people that came up and hugged me and my daughter and son, people from long ago and friends from now. Thank you for thinking of my other children and remembering that they had lost 2 sisters too.
Thank you to the friend's who opened up their home and fed us after the services. I think it might have been the first time I had ate all week.
Thank you to my friend who, after everyone left and life had to go on, went to the grocery store for me because she knew how hard it would be for me to go; and for picking me up and taking me to church when she knew I didn't have the energy. To those who took my son to school and picked him up for me. And to those in church who let me cry like a baby, because it was the only place where I felt safe to cry.
Thank you to my friends who came and cleaned my house and did a "mini-makeover" while we were gone and gave me freshness when we came back.
Thank you for loving Daniella, Gabi and Lexi. Thank you for loving my family and keeping us in your prayers.