Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Two Years

Nani and Gab, 

Two years you have been gone.  

I thought I had been doing good.  I thought I was being strong.  Then, the lanterns were lit and your mama broke.  

I hate that you aren't here to see your brother.  He is growing so fast and loves soccer and baseball.  He's been riding a bike without training wheels for a while now and got a new bike for his birthday, which he keeps in the house because he loves it and doesn't want anything to happen to it. (And I let him) :) You never got to meet his best friend, who moved away this summer, but they still remain best friends and  are so cute together when they see each other after a long time.  He is so smart and funny and gets into trouble at school and has an attitude sometimes, but he has such a tender heart and still cries when he sees me crying or when he thinks my feelings are hurt, and he talks with such pride and joy of the different ways he is like both of you girls, telling me "Gabi used to do that," or "Nani and I did this the same."  He loves your niece and is thrilled when she comes over.  They either will play great together or fight like brother and sister.   She is so smart, you would be amazed at how much she has changed.  We have quite the conversations, she and I!!  She is a little sassy sometimes, but that's okay.  Your sister is such a great mom! I am really proud of her and know you would be too.  I like to see them interact together and it makes me sad that you aren't here to see that.  I hate that you aren't here to watch her grow up and see how strong your sister is. 

Daniella, you would be 18 next month, this would be your senior year.  Would you be dating? Or would school be more important than boys? Would you still be doing things that would "look good on your college applications?" I always laughed when you would say that.  I never worried about you, you knew exactly what you wanted to do and you were always confident in that, still having fun along the way. I miss your goofy laugh and the touch of your skin.  I miss you helping me cook dinner and I miss you and Sam climbing in the tree in the backyard.  I miss watching movies with you and the both of us crying during the movie, holding hands and wiping tears away.  I miss going to church with you!! I felt you sitting next to me in church a few weeks ago, were you there with me?

Gabi, in March you would be 16.  Driving and staying out late with your friends.  I worried about you every day and always wanted you to be happy.  I remember when you were little, your sisters were in school and it was just you and mom all day...those were good times.  You helped me around the house, we baked together, we played, read books and created things, just you and I until your sisters came home.  When the bus would get closer to the house, you couldn't wait to run out and hug your sisters! When you were baptized at church, I don't think I had ever been more proud of you.  I remember driving you back to the house in your wet clothes so you could change, I kept hugging you and crying until you finally said to me "Mom, I'm freezing!"  :)

We lit lanterns for you, just a few of us. Did you see them?  One of those lanterns had landed in the trees at the park and when I walked the next morning it was there for me to see.  Was that a sign that you were with me? 

I know you are okay. I have said this before and I will say it again, you have it way better up there than down here.  I just wish you were here...

I love you girls. 

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