Monday, December 16, 2013

Balloons and Pennies

When Daniella and I first took her dad to the hospital, it was to the emergency department and we were there for almost 12 hours.  Needless to say, it was a long afternoon, evening and very early morning until we got home.  In between waiting for tests to be run, her dad being combative with doctors and nurses and finally getting a bed within the hospital, Daniella and I did things to pass the time.  One of those things were the pennies.

As we were in the ER and waiting, Daniella asked me for all of my pennies.  I asked her what for and she smiled and asked again for all the pennies I had.  I dug into my wallet and purse and gave her all that I had.  "I'll be right back," she said.

Sneaking a peek at her as she walked down the halls, I could see her randomly bend down to put something on the floor and walk on.  She came back about 20 minutes later and I asked her what she did.  She told me, "Mom, everyone needs a little bit of luck in their day, especially here.  I put pennies down so people could find them and have good luck." God bless this beautiful child...

After the accident, the night after the service, my friend and I went to the church to pick up things that were left there.  In the lobby there were random balloons that had been given out and released, that had escaped while they were being handed out.  Different balloons of teal and purple, the girls' favorite colors.  Looking at them made me sad, we had just been here hours ago celebrating their life.  How long would these balloons be up there as a reminder?

We walked to gather the plants and flowers that had been left on the stage.  As we came back through the hallway, there in the middle of the lobby, literally hanging in mid air almost at eye level, was a purple balloon. We all stopped.  I grabbed that balloon and said "Hi Daniella."  I told my friends that I wanted a "sign" from Gabi as well and they all agreed that it would happen in time.  As we were talking again in the lobby, about ready to leave, out of the corner of my eye I see a teal balloon floating downward from the ceiling. Hi Gabi.....

I kept those balloons in my hand as I drove home and put them in my bedroom where I could see them every day.  To this day, those balloons still have air in them.

I started seeing pennies randomly, sometimes 2, sometimes 3, but rarely 1 alone.  I would wake up and 2 or 3 would be in my bed.  I obviously do not carry money to bed and I have no pockets in my pajamas, so how did they get there? We have walked through the store and have seen 2 pennies sitting on top of a TV display, I have seen 2 pennies in my driveway as I walk out to get the mail.  I do not generally put change in my pockets and if I am in the car, I will throw all coins into my purse that is sitting on the passenger seat.  One day I had been running errands and stopped at a Starbucks on the way home.  When I received my change, I remember throwing everything into my purse on the seat next to me.  No change in pockets, no change in console, but in the purse.  I didn't stop again before going home.  Later that evening I went to my car for something, 3 bright and shiny pennies were sitting in the driver's seat....waiting for me.

 Now, the holidays are here.  This will be my 3rd Christmas without the girls and if I had my choice, I would skip everything altogether.  I don't want to celebrate, I don't want to decorate, I don't want to cook Christmas dinner...nothing.  But I do it because I have other children and a granddaughter.

Today my son and I did our last round of Christmas shopping. I tried to make it fun for him (what boy LIKES shopping, especially if it's not for him?), so I promised him his favorite burger joint for lunch.  We walked in and took a booth.  I sat my purse down to the left of me in the seat, never touching it again until it was time to leave.  I turned to pick up my purse, this is what I saw....
I choose to believe these are signs from the girls.  That they are here with me, they are watching over me and everything is all right.  After seeing those pennies today, my attitude towards the holidays changed a little bit. I smiled for the first time in a while and I felt a hug from the girls.  I came home and wrapped a couple of presents.  If I had my choice, I would skip holidays altogether.  They will never be the same ever again. But I believe the girls were telling me to smile, that it will be all right.  To celebrate the season of Jesus' birth and remember that they are with Him. 

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